the last refuge of the insomniac is a sense of superiority to the sleeping world.
- leonard cohen
x
superiority? not in the least. except perhaps in my lack of sanity. face hurts like a motherfucker. i still am swollen beyond comprehension and it is disgusting. so goddamn restless, laying on the couch for days. i can't organize my thoughts, i can't hold my concentration. i feel more addled than usual. not sure if it is just the effects from surgery and all these pills i'm taking, but it's irksome. i also don't really care and i like being apathetic. walking oxymoron. key word: moron. hypocrisy. adam thinks i'm his girlfriend, and that bothers me to no end. christien is wasting himself away. somedays i care, most days i don't. i probably should. can't muster energy or concentration to play june, or read, or write, or draw. most of the time i don't care, but doubled with the inability, it's just asldkfuoaiduljksdofusdkjf.
i suppose i'm not as apathetic as i like to think. just insane in a rather nonchalant manner. fuck, i want a smoke so bad.
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